Nostalgia

Spinning yarns of tales so old
Coming alive barely aged a day
Every smell, sound, even wafts of breeze
Traveling through eons of time to tickle me
through the earnest recollection of a youth long lost

How long has it been?
Since the flutterings of first love brought a fresh spring in my step
Since the naïveté of a brash youth
prodded into paths that led me into lowest of the lows
And since the courage unforeseen sprung upwards
to lift me up and dust myself anew

Here I am, sitting in an arm chair overlooking a beautiful sunset
All my dreams fulfilled
All the lives I created set forth into the world
With values and hopes that I cherished
And yet, how my heart longs for those days long gone
Days of toil and suffering, pain and uncertainty
What would I not give
to live those days once again
Live it exactly the same way
But live them once again

Days when I first went to school
Made friends and enemies,
Toiled and trifled, yet carefree and deeply loved
Days when I failed out of college
Filled with gloom and despair over life I couldn’t envision
Until I convinced myself of the hope in a life yet unlived

Days when I first fell in love
that shattered my heart into bits leaving me to pick up the pieces
Days when I fell in love yet again
which stuck around despite the pain
and the terror of being broken again

Days when I flitted around places
Trying to find myself and where I belong
Searching for a calling that never seemed to come
Trying and failing, trying and failing
Till I made peace with who I am and what I can be

Days when I built a family
when I was torn between pride and anxiety
of the lives that sprouted and bloomed right in front of me
Every milestone passed that filled me with joy
and also terror of loss or folly

Here I am, at the journey’s end
Mistakes made and mistakes covered
Memories earned at every step along the long and bumpy road
till the life’s denouement gave way to peace and contentment
Yet, how I yearn to rewind the clock
And live it all once again
Making the exact same mistakes
Stirring up the same troubles
Laugh, cry, and live till my youth rose up
to color my cheeks and bounce my steps